IMAGINARY WORLD...a song written for Karlin and Austin

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE IS ON YOUR BEDSPREAD

CHARLIE BROUWN IS HANGIN’ ON YOUR WALL

BUTTER BEAR IS SLEEPIN’ IN THE CORNER

THE RAGGEDY TWINS ARE LAYIN’ IN THE HALL

AND I’M DRIVIN’ DOWN THIS ROAD THINKING ABOUT YOU

AND ALL THE FUN THAT WE’VE SHARED

GOIN TO SHOWS AT THE THEATER

THE ZOO AND PLAYIN’ IN THE SAND

IN YOUR IMAGINARY WORLD, DOES YOUR DADDY PLAY A PART

HE REALLY LOVES YOU BABY

AND HE NEEDS A PLACE TO NESTLE IN YOUR HEART.

SOME DAY WE’LL GO TO HAWAII, OR MAYBE EVEN VISIT DISNEYLAND

WE WON’T NO IF THAT’S REAL THOUGH, TILL WE’VE GOT THE TICKETS IN OUR HAND

AND MINNIE AND MICKIE ARE WATCHIN HOLLY HOBBY TALKIN TO YOUR SMURFF

AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS ARE PLAYIN A GAME OF OL’MAID WITH THE WOLF

IN YOUR IMAGINARY WORLD, DOES YOUR DADDY PLAY A PART

HE REALLY LOVES YOU BABY, AND HE NEEDS A PLACE TO NESTLE IN YOUR HEART

HE REALLY LOVES YOU BABY, AND HE NEEDS A PLACE TO NESTLE IN YOUR HEART.

(FADE OUT) AND DONALD AND DAISY ARE WALKIN’ WITH PLUTO, BUGS, AND ELMER FUDD

CHECKING IN TODAY..a poem written by ??

A Minister passing through his church In the middle of the day, Decided to pause by the altar To see who came to pray.  Just then the back door opened, And a man came down the aisle, The minister frowned as he saw the man Hadn't shaved in a while.   His shirt was torn and shabby, And his coat was worn and frayed, The man knelt down and bowed his head, Then rose and walked away. In the days that followed at precisely noon, The preacher saw this chap, Each time he knelt just for a moment, A lunch pail in his lap.   Well, the minister's suspicions grew, With robbery a main fear, He decided to stop and ask the man, 'What are you doing here?'   The old man said he was a factory worker And lunch was half an hour Lunchtime was his prayer time, For finding strength and power.   I stay only a moment Because the factory's far away; As I kneel here talking to the Lord, This is kinda what I say:   'I Just Came By To Tell You, Lord, How Happy I Have Been, Since We Found Each Other’s Friendship And You Took Away My Sin. Don't Know Much Of How To Pray, But I Think About You Every day. So, Jesus, This Is Ben, Just Checking In Today.'   The minister feeling foolish, Told Ben that it was fine. He told the man that he was welcome To pray there anytime.   'It's time to go, and thanks,' Ben said As he hurried to the door.   Then the minister knelt there at the altar, Which he'd never done before.   His cold heart melted, warmed with love, As he met with Jesus there. As the tears flowed down his cheeks, He repeated old Ben's prayer:   'I Just Came By To Tell You, Lord, How Happy I've Been, Since We Found Each Other’s Friendship And You Took Away My Sin. I Don't Know Much Of How To Pray, But I Think About You Every day. So, Jesus, This Is Me, Just Checking In Today.'   Past noon one day, the minister noticed That old Ben hadn't come. As more days passed and still no Ben, He began to worry some.   At the factory, he asked about him, Learning he was ill. The hospital staff was worried, But he'd given them a thrill.   The week that Ben was with them, Brought changes in the ward. His smiles and joy contagious. Changed people were his reward.   The head nurse couldn't understand Why Ben could be so glad, When no flowers, calls or cards came, Not a visitor he had.   The minister stayed by his bed, He voiced the nurse's concern: No friends had come to show they cared. He had nowhere to turn.   Looking surprised, old Ben spoke up And with a winsome smile; 'The nurse is wrong, she couldn't know, He's been here all the while.'   Every day at noon He comes here, A dear friend of mine, you see, He sits right down and takes my hand, Leans over and says to me:   'I Just Came By To Tell You, Ben, How Happy I Have Been, Since We Found This Friendship, And I Took Away Your Sin. I Think About You Always And I Love To Hear You Pray, And So Ben, This Is Jesus, Just Checking In Today.'   If this blesses you, pass it on. Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart...   May God hold you in the palm of His hand And Angels watch over you.. Please pass this on to your friends & loved ones. If you aren't ashamed.   Jesus said, ' If you are ashamed of me,' I will be ashamed Of you before my Father.' If you are not ashamed, pass this on.   So, FRIENDS & FAMILY, this is ME ... "Just Checking In Today"

A PRAYER FOR HEALING

HEALING PRAYER. Try not to break it, if you cannot send it, let me know ...
I know I chose my twelve people well, may we receive strength

 and Divine Light ..



This is Father Ignacio's Novena, which began on January 10, 2005 and

 it still has not been broken ... when you receive it, pray a Hail Mary

 and make a special request ... do not forget to work towards your

 dreams, as with you and with God everything is realized so much faster


... "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou

 amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary,

 Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death,

 Amen "



(Here make your wish).

A PRAYER TO START THE DAY

Lord, I pray that you bless my day,

That within me you will stay.

That you bless my steps and guide my way

That words of anger not fill my head

But praise for you and love instead.

Lord, I pray that you bless my labors of mind and hand

That they be fruitful in your eyes, and in the eyes of man

Lord, I pray that you protect

My soul from the sins I know and those I forget

My mind from the lies of Satan

My body from the harms of illness

My life from the deceit of others

My spirit from the loss of Hope and the sin of Pride

Lord I pray in you I will abide.

Pray for Special Intentions: Needs of family, friends, Our country, Those in the News, Our Military, Our pastors, Those in need of sustenance.  Those in conditions of suffering. Our martyrs. Mankind.

A PRAYER FOR PEACE AND PROTECTIION

OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN, AS YOU WALK INTO MY HOME, PLEASE TAKE

 ALL MY WORRIES, DISEASES, FEARS AND PLEASE PROTECT MY PARENTS,

 BROTHERS AND SISTERS, MY CHILDREN, MY FRIENDS AND ALL MY FAMILY, IN

 THE NAME OF JESUS! AMEN.

JUST ONE THING AT A TIME......FRUSTRATING

 I think one of my frustrations in life has been the recurring theme that there is only one of me to do all the things I want to do or get done.  Regardless of all this talk about multi-tasking one can only focus totally on, and perform just one task at any given moment.  I find myself in that predicament once again.

It has been months since doing any writing, and even longer for my music. The painting and photography that I envisioned having time for when we moved to Las Vegas has received little more than the thought. 

My focus these last few months has been on trying to get my design income regenerating itself and in this process all else has taken a seat at the rear of the bus.  All my creative energies have gone into trying to create some kind of cash flow to handle the day to day cost of survival and some kind of nest egg to take care of the disposal of my body when the soul is called at my my judgment date.  

The strength of my faith seems to be taking a hit from the dark side.  Trusting, in the providence of the Lord God above, seems to be weakening as I feel the pressure of limited existence. 

There are many things in life that one might wish he had done or achieved but it is much more frustrating to realize you may not have time to do all the things that need to get done.  Thus the recurring theme resounds.  I wish there were more of me.  Multiples of myself to do all those things the way I want them done.  In my time frame of course.  This is not the only time in my life that I have had that wish.  The last time I can recall it being this intense was during the home building period of my life. It was different even then.  That time it was to get things done right, to find someone to carry out those visions of homes to satisfy my clients.  This time the need for more of me is to satisfy creativity, legacy, and the care of my family.  A higher cause, as equally frustrating if not more so.

SIMPLE LESSONS FOR LIFE

WISH I HAD THOUGHT OF THESE

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor 

gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student 

  and had breezed through the questions until I read

the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people.  All are significant...They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.


2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits.  Then you came along.
because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's' bedside just before he passed away...God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.


3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those
who serve.


In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left.  When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table.  There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies.

You see,  he couldn't  have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson.. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway.  Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock.  Some of the
King's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it.  Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables.  Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road.  After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway.  The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.


5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease.  Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness.  The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save
her."  As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed
next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing
the color returning to her cheek. Then his face
grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.

I had meant to post this on Memorial day 2013, however distraction over took my intentions.  Giving another lesson of the importance of finishing what you start if it has meaning and the importance of knowing when it is meaningless.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day.  It is a day of reflection on the sacrifices made on behalf of our nation by those men and women of the armed forces of the United States.  It is the day we as a nation remember those who paid for the continuation of our form of government and the freedoms it was set up to provide its citizenry.  How ironic is the fact that the very things they fought and died for are under attack; not just from other nations but from within our own government and people.

To the best of my knowledge this day was originally called “Decoration Day” started sometime after the end of the Civil War.  It originated to give acknowledgement to 250 souls lying in an unmarked mass grave.  Those were United States Military that died in our most personal conflict.  They died so slavery would not survive within our borders. They died so the United States would survive as originally designed by the fathers of our Nation.  There are a number of different but very similar possible origins of this day of memory but they all revolved around the same reasoning.  Giving thanks for maximum service rendered.  As a nation, we have been involved in many more military conflicts since that time and as “Decoration Day” morphed into Memorial Day. 

I have been part of a society and part of a family which has been involved in the aftermaths of warfare (two World Wars, Korea and Vietnam, numerous skirmishes and ultimately Iraq and Afghanistan).  My grandfather, my uncles and aunts, cousins, friends and acquaintances were involved in one or more of those military actions.  WWI used my Grandpa Henry.  It sent him back home with a mind and memories filled with the horrors of war and anger toward a God that he couldn’t understand ever again.  When WWII broke out he was in his late 40’s. Even with his hatred of the war, he tried to get back into the uniform of his country, willing to stand up for what was right.  WWII saw four of my uncles and one of my aunts donning the uniforms of the Army and the Navy.  Our family was one of the fortunate families that did not suffer a loss of life.  I might mention that one of my uncles served on four different ships that were blown out from under him.  One blast sent him up into the air and then crashing down into his gun bunker, God had seen fit that a corpsman found him still alive after being left for dead. 

The ones that we are remembering on Memorial Day are marked by the hundreds of thousands of grave monuments throughout the World.  Far more American souls have been lost protecting humanity than those lost for the United States.  I remember my grade school Decoration Days, coming home with the little red poppies made by our veterans to help provide for the medical needs of the wounded that survived and in the memory of those who lost their lives. The use of poppies as a symbol originated in France as the real flowers were placed on the thousands of graves filled with American blood and sacrifice.  France’s way of recognizing and thanking our country for efforts and prices paid for their continuance as a sovereign nation.  France is not alone as a nation that exists upon the sea of American blood drenched souls.  We owe a debt of gratitude to so many, a debt not ever to be paid in kind.

The end of WWI saw the end of our country’s political will to wage war.  When the Korean conflict occurred, our country’s politics chose to do battle without the commitment to win.  Our politicians, feeling guilt over the use of Atomic power to end WWII, could not bring themselves to call Korea a war.  They instead called it a police action. Nationally, we looked at the horror of the atomic bomb only in terms of the devastation it caused. That blinded our nation to the lives that act saved.  President Truman was strong enough and wise enough to make the hard choice needed to stop the war.  He was smart enough to know that war, waged when necessary, must be fought with complete commitment to win.  The Korean “police action” has never been won or lost by either side because of one side’s inability to win and our lack of commitment to win.  In the very least though we were still united behind our warriors and they were recognized and appreciated by most of us.  They could still hold their heads high and proud as we continued to recognize their sacrifice as our warriors equal to their predecessors. 

Those who survived WWII returned home victorious. They were looked upon by most of us as our defenders and as our conquering heroes.  Those who returned from Korea were, for the most part, ignored by our politicians and most of us who were not personally connected to those surviving warriors.  Somewhere between Korea and Vietnam things changed.  It’s as if our entire national psyche had taken a hard turn to the left.  Again our fear of being perceived as the bad guys caused us to behave haphazardly.  We had watched McCarthy ferret out communism, our cold war enemy, with such zeal that was found to be reprehensible.  That disdain translated into a reversal of society’s pendulum until we have reached a point at which some view our heroes as villains.  In particular, those returning from the Vietnam War found themselves reviled, spat upon and rejected by those whose rights to freedom they were sent to protect. The Vietnam War has proven to be the most noticeable schism point in our political history since the Civil War.  The aftermath of that vitriolic passion has spawned a nation no longer united, a nation that has been dramatically weakened by division with a government which sends our military into conflict with half-hearted resolve.

Most recently we have witnessed the effect of anti-war rhetoric dissolve the unity of purpose in the aftermath of September 11, 2001, into fragments lacking the strength or the will to win.  It was that brief moment of unity (the wars of Afghanistan and Iraq) that could have been put into history as a war of the past. That particular opportunity quickly passed as the political fears were fanned by memories not of the victories achieved by our military and the unity of our citizens prior to Viet Nam, but by the dissent during and after those wars.  Our country no longer spends our country’s blood and treasure wisely and with strong resolve and purpose.  Those are spent instead to maintain appearances. 

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who gave all for the higher purpose of our country.  A day to remember the importance of unity misplaced in our history.  A day to remember the richness of our heritage, our gifts, and the biblical adage that has guided our society’s higher purpose, “to whom much is given, much is expected”.  Many have complained about our position as the policeman on the streets of the world and say we have no obligation to better the conditions imposed by tyranny.  How much better to accept that we are in fact our brother’s keeper and we need to be the good Samaritan rather than those that neglected to assist one in need.

Pray for our country and our world.

ME AND GOD (2)

  Part 2  Just a side note

A lot of things may have been different in my spiritual trek, if Christ’s emissaries (the priests) had been the only stumbling stone.  Unfortunately the path has been filled with more rocks than exist in a gravel pit.  In retrospect my foundations that were expected to support a belief in God were not built of rock but of sand. 

I know now that both God and Satan are truly in existence.  God gives us choices in how we decide to live our lives.  Satan on the other hand, seeks to control our destiny through a very devious method.  The use of doubt, fear and deceit are very effective.  I believe that God gave us the grace of salvation through Christ because He knew mankind could not withstand all the temptations of evil.  This is even truer when Satan’s ability to deceive us and to cloud truth is part of the equation.

One might think that doubt is the first step toward disbelief but it’s not.  The first step is actually the improper construction of beliefs in the first place.  We don’t come into the world with an understanding of our nature, but we do arrive in a state of neediness.  We are totally dependent and when our needs are met (even in a sporadic way) we have a kind of growing faith in our providers.  That faith spreads from our basic needs being cared for to believing what our providers choose to teach us.  We tend to believe what we are taught and what we see in front of us.  When it comes to my own personal spiritual growth most of what I was being taught was from a negative outlook.  I don’t mean I was taught that bad was good but being taught that doing “bad” would have terrible consequence.  Making choices in life because of a fear is not a very sound building block.  It’s quite difficult to build a close personal relationship with a God you believe will eventually burn your soul for eternity.  At the very least this created a weakness in my foundation that would eventually lead to some ungodly turns in my life.  My belief system abounded in fear.  Fear is first as it makes for a very unstable footing and opens the door for doubt to enter.

I can’t really blame anyone else for my round about spiritual journey because it was I who made those choices: but one does the best by what he believes.  Fact, fiction, truth and error were there in varying amounts and my nature was to find “soul”utions to make sense of things.  My search for reasons and direction yielded very little means to hold my foundation together. 

My folks had done a great job of teaching me the difference between right and wrong and that ethical sense was strengthened throughout my Catholic education in high school and in college.  Ethics alone will not necessarily build a personal relationship but it is a good component.  I did have a good sense of how I was “supposed” to conduct myself by not doing bad things and by doing good things.  By the time I went to the college I had a head full of doubts fueled by a fear of punishment. I had not found any real answers in my ignorance.  I knew how to behave in life, but I had no real answer as to why I should.  I did believe in punishment as a deserved result of wrong action, improper thoughts and desires.  At the same time experience had proven my inability to escape the ultimate punishment of Hell fires. 

I had invited the demolition crews to pound my foundation into the ground.  Doubt and fear were in a very subtle attack mode and the strength of my defense (my belief system) was based on what I had been taught.  The answer to all my questions and doubts came down to one word.  Because.

Part two: 

My spiritual foundation was built on the sound ground of “Because” and was constructed using the tools of Fear.  

I was ready to enter young adulthood.  I went off to college in a better place than a lot of students, thanks to four years boarding at the all-boys high school.  I knew what it was like to live outside the safety of my family and my home so I had already grown out of the despairs of loneliness that some would suffer.  I was however not quite prepared for the freedom from being out from under the thumb of control.  I remember the day I left home for college. I remember promising that I would not misuse alcohol until I was at least 21 years old.  When I arrived and had gotten settled into my room a friend from my hometown met up with me.  He commenced to show me the new ropes of freedom, and long before sundown, I found myself totally drunk and hoping my bed would stop spinning.  So much for my being faithful a promise.

My relationship with God continued to create more questions than answers.  I prayed, went to church, practiced my religion but continued in my inability to be sinless.  I tried to find answers in my studies of religion and ethics but the resounding sound of “because” drowned out any possibility of logic.  My definition of faith continued to grow.  Fear of the Lord and the fires of Hell defined my spirituality or lack thereof.  To that point in time Christ’s purpose had not seeped into my thinking.   I don’t know if it had never been presented or my ears and mind had been so closed off, I couldn’t perceive forgiveness and grace.  I simply had no faith other than a belief in negative results.  Regardless of cause, my spiritual relationship with God seemed to remain in a growing state of unimportance.  Within me was a growing state of futility.  The fears of damnation still existed but it was no longer possible to believe that I would ever be able to escape that inevitable end.  I would have to rely on the Church’s perks of plenary indulgences that had been offered throughout my high school and college religious involvement.  First Friday communions, Scapular medals, and devotions to the Blessed Mother Mary, were my only chances of salvation, since there was little or no probability of timing my confessions to my unknown time of death.  All in all, I was confronted with a pretty pessimistic outcome for eternity.  My awareness of this situation was completely absent and I continued acting out my religion, fueled by a fear of reprisal. 

(Please be aware that most of my insights presented are long after the fact.)

My first three years in college had no apparent changes and throughout the next few years I remained oblivious to the existence of a spiritual side to man’s nature.  The meaning of the words, “created in Gods image” had no real relevancy in my day to day life and I slowly meandered into a complete separation from God.  The only connection I had with that side of existence was the belief that God was real and He would eventually condemn me to an eternity of the “gnashing of teeth” and there was little or nothing that could prevent that from happening.  How in the world is it possible to love in the face of fear of an ultimate and inescapable punishment?  How a God could that supposedly loved me, who was all knowing, create me just to burn me in eternal fire?  

(These thoughts were not in the realm of my awareness at the time, but they surely controlled much of my denial and lack of urgency.)

WHAT DAD TAUGHT ME

Interesting.  For some reason Father’s day slipped my mind today until the Priest at mass wished all the fathers a happy day.  During the readings today two of them were about forgiveness, and the sermon was based on the question “what did your father teach you?”. 

I never really given a lot of thought to what dad taught me, probably because it wasn't any one stand out statement or principle.  It was more an example of a life lived to the best of his ability with mistakes, corrections, wins and losses, rights and wrongs.  It wasn't until asked that specific question that I gave it any introspection at all.  That question has been begging me for an answer all day today.  I am my father’s son and as such my answer may go on and on.  I hope that as time goes on he and I will become more and more alike.

I am not that man you knew yesterday,

Each day is added onto the ones before

If it were not for that man of yesterday

Touching my life in his own unique way

I would not be who I am

Perhaps,

Tomorrow I will be better.

arbee

I learned from dad, not so much from his words, but from a continuation of who he was and the way he lived his own life.  Don’t get me wrong there were certain things that he got specific on but somehow it was the osmosis that taught me the most. 

One of the first things dad was very emphatic about was being honest and not to lie. His first real means of teaching me that in earnest came when I was in the first grade.  I learned more than just that simple rule.  I had traded one of my neighbor boys something he wanted for his knife which I wanted.  This boy lived about a mile or so from the farm we were living on at the time.  When dad saw the knife he asked me where I had gotten it and I told him that Dennis had given it to me.  Dad didn't believe me.  He made me walk back down that road, give Dennis back the knife, and then I had to walk back home.  That three mile walk taught me a lesson.  Lies are a bad thing and that sometimes truth doesn't matter if someone is convinced that you are not truthful.  Maybe it wasn't the best way to be taught that honesty is important but it worked.  It was a very long time before I lied about anything.

Like most kids I looked up to my dad.  I loved and feared him at the same time and I don’t think I ever gave up on wanting him to be proud of me.  There are so many instances of errors in his way of relating to me during our life that it’s a miracle how we ended up.  I think the things learned from our relationship were a lot more important than a list of do’s and don’ts.  By the time dad left us to join his Heavenly Father he and I were able to express our love for one another and really mean it.  Dad became one of my best friends in this life and one of my strongest advocates.   

Some things Dad taught me:

No one is right all the time; Everyone can make mistakes; Don’t be afraid to be honest; Don’t be afraid to admit you are mistaken or wrong; It is possible to change and become a better person; Love is more important than anger; Accept sincere apologies; Apologize when you have wronged someone; Always do your best no matter what the task or circumstance; Everyone fails at least once, strength is shown when you fail and try again. 

MOM WAS A HERO (mothers day 2013)

Mothers Day, 2013.

I am a bit reflective about Mom today, and a bit disappointed in myself for not being honest about my relationship with her.  I allowed myself to be a bit angry with her over some of her humaness without really looking or admitting who she really was in life.  I was not very kind to my Mom during her last years and I put my own feelings ahead of hers.  I loved her, but neglected to visit, leaving that responsibility to others.  I have multitudes of reasons that I acted that way, one of which was seeing her so frail, but that’s not the subject.  I will try to tell you about the hero I called Mom and I will attempt to put forth some of my memories.  I can’t really start at the beginning because I haven’t had a good memory for most of my life.  That being the case, I will just start writing about her.

Moms’ legal name started out as Dorothy Ann Weiland, daughter of Henry Weiland and Louise Dober Weiland.  She was an only child raised in a somewhat dysfunctional home.  Grandpa had an alcohol problem and an anger with a God that he felt should not have allowed WWI.  Grandma, on the other hand, was very, very, Catholic.  I am quite sure that Mom was ready to escape that situation.  When she and Dad were married, they lived in the City of Portland, Oregon just a few blocks from where she lived as a child.  Dad worked in the shipyards as a welder during WWII until his epilepsy brought an end to that.  He then went to work as a baker, and finally went to work for Mom’s Uncle Joe on his farm in Hillsboro, Oregon.  I don’t really remember too much about Mom during this time and most of what took place next for her are the bits and pieces that have been acquired through hearsay and supposition.

I am quite sure that when Mom agreed to move back to the Condon, Oregon area for Dads’ return to life as a farmer/rancher.  She had no idea of what she was really in for.   I’m not sure that she signed up for the life she was confronted with but the way she handled it I find remarkable.  Mom is memorable to me and I would guess my siblings for the things most moms are thanked for on mother’s day.  She cared for us, fed us, worried over us and protected us the way moms do but what puts her in the hero category for me is how I saw her confront things that I know she feared.  Mom stood up for herself in later years but I can hardly imagine the young girl that married my Dad being personally strong.  Growing up I know that Mom was somewhat insecure and doubtful about her abilities in a lot of areas.   What I saw was quite different….kind of like a scaredy cat confronting the bulldog.  Here are some of the things that define her as a hero (one who acts to resolve issues in spite of the normal fear responses of flight, fight or freeze.):

One of the first things that Mom would have to face was the fact that dad was affected by epilepsy and all that entails.  Not an easy thing to deal with for those who have the condition or for those who have to care them.  I would think that Mom would have to have loved Dad a lot to marry him knowing how epilepsy attacks and the irregular spontaneity of those attacks.  It has always amazed me that I was six years old before learning about Dad’s condition.  One day, he was driving me to meet the school bus and the pickup we were in went through the fence into a pasture before coming to a stop.  I thought Dad was dead but I couldn’t figure out why he was still breathing so heavy.  It terrified me and I’m sure Mom’s reaction to her first experience with it would have been similar.  How she and Dad protected Sally and I from ever seeing this happen and how she took care of Dad and us after one of the attacks without showing any indications of the stress involved is remarkable.  I never heard Mom complain about having to deal with Dad’s epilepsy.  She even handled the situation of my brother Fred’s epilepsy calmly and with apparent caring for Fred.

When Dad decided they should go back to Condon, I imagine that Mom experienced some fears but she still agreed to go in spite of those fears.  I can remember some instances of Mom acting as if all things were normal but I know now how different the farm was from the city she grew up with.  While growing up I never really thought of Mom being anything more than Mom.  I loved Mom and I knew that she loved me and my brother and sisters but this was something that every Mom did and was expected to do.  No big deal.  Even in the last years I never took the time to realize what she did that was so extraordinary.  Like so many things and people in life we take for granted Mom had fallen into that category.  Somewhere, sometime in the last few years in my retrospective quest, it occurred to me that Mom did a lot of things that weren’t normal or to be expected of a young, shy city girl.  She went from a city home life where electric lights, telephones, indoor plumbing busses and trolley cars were common, to a farm outside a small town in Eastern Oregon.  The farm had none of those things but still she made do.  She overcame fear and self-doubt, fitting in to the life and with the people in the small farming community.

Today, on this Mothers Day, I admit being in awe of that lady.  How did she manage to feed our harvest crews the meals she prepared and delivered to the field?  She always delivered food hot and always tasty.  Her cooking was consumed in total by the men who admittedly hired on with Dad because of Mom’s notoriety as a cook.  I can still remember her driving into the field, setting up a picnic table and laying out the spread.  I miss that.  She would cook a full meal for lunch and another for dinner.  We would have baked ham, chicken, roast beef meals with all the side and trim dishes.  No one ever left hungry.  There were pies every day:  apple, cherry, lemon and peach at least two varieties at each of those meals.  How did she accomplish all this on a wood stove? It was amazing and almost miraculous!

Mom, today I pray that you can hear me say

How much I appreciate the things you did

How much I regret not realizing the life you led

And I want to apologize for not telling you

The things I should have said.

                                           To me you are a Hero and I love you.

TWO DOGS IN THE FIGHT good dog bad dog part one

There is an old saying, “inside every man there are two dogs fighting for control, one the nasty mean and the other is man’s best friend”.  I don’t know if that’s true of everyone but for me that is most certainly a truth. 

When I first started this writing project it was to give my progeny a chance to see my trip through the years.  Not just the trip I want people to see or the one that I showed.  I wanted to help them recognize that the mistakes and failures that they might make do not make them unique in that respect.  I am sure that, as usual, the end result is not going to be the lofty ideal of shining a light on the bad dog but I will do my best.  Just remember as you are waging your own battles of inner thought and decision making between good and evil, “you are not crazy”.  The trick is to realize this inner conflict and that the dog you feed is the one that will dominate.

If we are lucky we are born into a family that promotes good dog tendencies. Most parents will do everything possible to teach us all the good dog tricks, traits that they allow others to see in their own lives.  The fact is that most of us will show only those things we want others to see or to think about us while hiding the darkest parts.  We learn at a young age to hide those things that are not acceptable to those we want love us. We also hide the truth from those who are capable of inflicting the pain needed to make us feed the good dog.  Unfortunately most of us require some same measure of outside influence to change our choice of feeding the bad dog.  Hopefully it will be a measure less than that which changed the writer, St. Paul who was struck blind by the Christ his bad dog persecuted.  

Like Paul, it was in my later walk as a Christian, I found myself still wanting in my quest to feed only the good dog.  Paul lamented (paraphrased), “why do I still do that which I hate”, I find myself asking the same question.  I can no longer say that all of us think, or feed our dogs the same amounts of food.

 

The process of choosing which dog survives is similar but the choice of which dog we feed is our own choice.

I will attempt to be as candid as possible about my inner struggles with these two dogs.  My omissions are due to lack of memory and to the fear of letting me being remembered for bite marks left by my bad dog. Suffice it to say that as much as I wish to emulate Christ in my life my bad dog is still there requiring me to choose between the good and evil sides of my being.  If it were not for this conflict Christians would greatly lack in humility.  It is in humility that one realizes that without the grace, the Blood of The Lamb, none of us would have the hope of eternal salvation.

As with Paul I was struck down from my life as I had come to know it.  Circumstance relieved me of my possessions, my business, and most hurtful of all, my family.  Driven to my knees I was open for Christ to come into my life and the opportunity of choice arrived in the form of a business associate.  This writing is not about the taming of my bad dog with the help of the Holy Spirit.  This subject is about the process of my choices and which dog was the Alpha.  

One would think that the infusion of Christ into a person would chase the bad dog out completely, but I have found that not to be the case.  A few weeks ago I was brought to a realization that my road to Christ likeness had passed very few of the crossroads that could prevent a human from being truly Christ-like.  The car that crossed in front, nearly clipping my car, brought forth a stream of profanity propelled by my anger.  As I continued my drive there was time to realize that what I had chosen to be the Alpha dog was not the one to unleash.  I have been going through a inkling of awareness of myself talk.  That awareness has made me appreciate the struggle that if exaggerated would be similar to that of schizophrenia.  I became aware of self-talk that was far from Christian ideals.  I found that I frequently but silently made inner remarks about people, circumstances, news through the eyes of my bad dog.  He is still in there waiting to be fed, waiting for a chance to be dominant in my life. I might add the word “again”.

Don’t allow your bad dog any chance of survival, be aware of your inner conversations, and don’t feed him. 

Wanting the good dog to be the dominant Alpha is not enough.  Prayer feeds the good dog. 

TO BE CONTINUED

EASTER THOUGHTS 2013

It seems so easy, after so many years to think one knows all there is to know about Easter. It is s easy to know what and how to contemplate the blessing bestowed on us by the Father.  I awoke this morning hours before I needed to, unable to return to sleep, rappelling back down through my own history.  The theme of thought was primarily one of all the times in life that I had chances and cause to forgive others for trespasses against me and of all the times my actions begged for the forgiveness of others.  We Christians generally look at Easter and the Resurrection simply as a pathway to salvation through grace.  God is hardly one to do anything without the presence of a life lesson or direction on how best to live our lives.  Enclosed within the envelope of His Gift are lessons to be learned by His example.

God loves us regardless of our failures, our inadequacies and our outright lack of respect.  He showed us that in our inability to comply with the covenants between Him and His chosen peoples, mankind would never make it into Heaven. The transformation of law and edict into the pure example of His love in the act of forgiveness also involves our honesty in admitting our failure and the humbleness required to ask for forgiveness.  The ability to accept the Gift is another requirement.  This requires that we leave pride at the foot of Christ’s cross. We need to accept His forgiveness.  God has shown us through example how we are to relate to our neighbors, not the emotion of love but love as an action.  How difficult it would be for any of us to sacrifice our own child for the life of another person, especially if it involved the horrendous tortures as endured in the death of our Lord Jesus Christ.

It is through love of our neighbor, strangers, friends and family that we need to grasp the ability to forgive.  We are unable to live our lives in such a way that we need not ask for our own forgiveness. We require that petition.  We truly need to use the lessons of Easter. We all require forgiveness and we are all asked to forgive others.  God has shown us the extent to which pure love will go for the action of love and the act of forgiveness. 

If you need forgiveness ask. Give it before being asked.  As the Father gave us example, be an example to others.

ETHICS (THE BOOK OF ECCLESIASTICUS) SIRACH

TO BEGIN WITH:

My politics and my personal beliefs have pushed me into unexpected sources of knowledge.  My politics made it necessary to learn as much as I could about the Koran so I would better understand Sharia law. This hopefully would give me an understanding of those who would harm others in the name of their Islamic faith.  My personal beliefs put a halt to this endeavor.  I am a convert to Christianity, but due to a lack of study in my younger years, I neglected to read and understand the Old Testament and its relationship to my beliefs.  I was hit with the fact that I could not in good faith delve into the Koran without getting through the Old Testament at least once.  One of the other aspects leading to the discovery of this particular book, The book of Ecclesiasticus, was my return to Catholicism and the Catholic Bible.  The book of Ecclesiasticus, also known as the Wisdom of Jesus the Son of Sirach, is missing from many if not all of the Bibles I read during my trek to Christianity.  The relevance of this book also struck home with me in terms of what is going on with our society and our national political positions.  The more I read in this book the more relevance I saw.  This book not only spoke to my spiritual life, but even more so, to everyday living experiences.  Many of my writings have originated out of the desire to pass things on to my grandchildren and of an abhorrence of the hatreds within our society.  This book speaks to those desires and I hope this writing will prompt you to investigate its possibilities in your own lives.  Due to the enormity of Ecclesiasticus,  I will try to limit my thoughts to what I think may help my progeny and the roots needed for good ethical, productive, God fearing lives.  The need for God in our lives, to me, is the foundation of Wisdom. Should you disagree,  you have that choice.

As our country and the documents that it was founded upon are being attacked and disregarded, we might ask why.  The United States has gone through birth, childhood and is now in the state of adolescence.  We are at a critical time in the life of our nation, a period of growth which runs parallel to one of the primary aspects of most teenagers, that of rebellion. That rebellion exemplifies questioning the intelligence and controls put on us by our parents.  As teenagers we all think that we are smarter, we want more freedom to choose our activities, and we basically want what we want, and want it now.  What if our country and our society are in the throes of adolescent struggles to have whatever feels good?  Disregarding rules and beliefs in favor of self-gratification can always be justified by some form of rationalization.  

What if, in our denial of pathways of the past, we have put our people, our society and our country in peril?  What if the God of the past was real and held mankind accountable at that time, as stated in the Old Testament?  What if He were the same today as He was yesterday?  What if He were to hold our nation, our people and our society accountable for the things the prophets of old warned about?  The book of Ecclesiastes states that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9).  Is history repeating itself once again?

The God we read about in the Old Testament gave His people ample opportunities to obey and follow His precepts.  The major problems seemed to occur time and time again.  If we take the time to compare then to now we can see where in His eyes we have moved off the path. The people of the Old Testament were blessed when their feet were on the path and were met with violent retribution when they continued to stray.  If God is real, our world of today may be in for some tough times.  Suppose that in order to save our country and our way of life, we need to recognize God, recognize our misbehavior, ask for God’s forgiveness, and actually change our direction.

What if God is real and He is not pleased with our current state of divergence?  Our form of government was born during a time of turmoil, not without its own birth pains. In an effort to move from under Britain’s thumb, the “Fathers” of our country’s government conceived the documents that allowed for our emergence from the womb.  Not all of them believed in the same definition of Our Creator, but all agreed to that term as part of our Declaration of independence and within our Constitution.  A belief in God as our Creator most certainly has an effect upon our sense of Ethics in a positive manner.  An underlying use of the Ten Commandments as a basis of our law has a similar effect.  My own life requires that I seek Wisdom and that requires truth.  One of those truths is as simple as this:

  The book of Eclesiasticus is a practical guide for an ethical and productive life, regardless of your beliefs or disbeliefs.

http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Ecclesiasticus

^{COMMENTARY REGARDING ECCLESIASTICUS  CHAPTER 1}

¹ The Prologue of the Wisdom of Jesus the Son of Sirach. Whereas many and great things have been delivered unto us by the law and the prophets, and by others that have followed their steps, for the which things Israel ought to be commended for learning and wisdom; and whereof not only the readers must needs become skilful themselves, but also they that desire to learn be able to profit them which are without, both by speaking and writing: my grandfather Jesus, when he had much given himself to the reading of the law, and the prophets, and other books of our fathers, and had gotten therein good judgment, was drawn on also himself to write something pertaining to learning and wisdom; to the intent that those which are desirous to learn, and are addicted to these things, might profit much more in living according to the law. Wherefore let me intreat you to read it with favour and attention, and to pardon us, wherein we may seem to come short of some words, which we have laboured to interpret. For the same things uttered in Hebrew, and translated into another tongue, have not the same force in them: and not only these things, but the law itself, and the prophets, and the rest of the books, have no small difference, when they are spoken in their own language. For in the eight and thirtieth year coming into Egypt, when Euergetes was king, and continuing there some time, I found a book of no small learning: therefore I thought it most necessary for me to bestow some diligence and travail to interpret it; using great watchfulness and skill in that space to bring the book to an end, and set it forth for them also, which in a strange country are willing to learn, being prepared before in manners to live after the law. All wisdom cometh from the Lord, and is with him forever .  ^{ECCLESIASTICUS  1:1}

This is an acknowledgement by the original translator that holds true universally when seeking the truth of what we are discovering, what we are being taught and what we imagine.  When we absorb information into our belief structure that will dictate our future action or inaction we need to understand the frailty of our interpretation.  It is almost impossible for any of us to correctly understand another person’s truth because it is made up of so many different life experiences.  The only thing that we can really take as Gospel is just that, Gospel.  When we listen to what our teachers, our parents, friends and leaders say we need to listen and relate it to what we see in their lives and in their history.  We have so many interesting studies of dichotomy available to us in today’s society it is as if the Son of Sirach were talking to us face to face. 

We need to be constantly aware that teachings are most generally colored to agree with the teachers’ beliefs rather than the facts and truth.  Do not be afraid to question and seek alternatives.

Beliefs are frequently formed by ideological propaganda and then passed on as truth.  We see that in our national discourse on a variety of topics.  In the days that this book, (Ecclesiasticus), was originally written the spread of prevarication, propaganda and miss information was at the pace of a tortoise where as today it is at the speed of thought.  Most of us do not have or do not take the time to research the avalanches of information that bombard us daily.  Just try and imagine the volumes of information that we live our lives by, and forming opinions that are truly fallacious.  We can choose to be living a life of ignorance or one of informed study of the probability of factual basis for our beliefs. Our perceptions of truth are weakened and turned throughout our lives and it is by chance that we stumble upon factual truths. 

A fact of life is that we live a good portion of our lives on faith, acting on what we know cannot be proven by any of the five senses but just because it makes more sense to believe it than to doubt it.  Sometimes those faith based belief systems are stronger than what we experience sensually.  In my own case it is very difficult, I believe in God not because I have seen, touched or heard him but because of enough faith based evidence.  I have seen prayers answered, and I have seen needs addressed with and without prayer. I see a universe that exists without any means of origination other than that of creation, which would require a creator and for all practical purpose most of us call that, God.  There are other indicators of Gods existence such as the order of life, and the evolution of plants, animals and organisms that cannot honestly be explained by happenstance.  That puts my reliance on faith based beliefs at odds with my habitual search for factual truth and it also feeds the bit of skepticism that forms my questions.  Once again God answers my needs way before I knew I had them.

Throughout the first chapter the theme is strongly put forward that true knowledge is really only available to God, the rest even scientific knowledge, is not known in totality.  (There is one wise and greatly to be feared, the Lord sitting upon his throne.
^{ECCLESIASTICUS  CHAPTER 1:  (see v 1 above)}

² Who can number the sand of the sea, and the drops of rain, and the days of eternity?

³Who can find out the height of heaven, and the breadth of the earth, and the deep, and wisdom?

⁴ Wisdom hath been created before all things, and the understanding of prudence from everlasting.

⁵ The word of God most high is the fountain of wisdom; and her ways are everlasting commandments.

⁶ To whom hath the root of wisdom been revealed? or who hath known her wise counsels?

⁷ Unto whom hath the knowledge of wisdom been made manifest? and who hath understood her great experience?

⁸ There is one wise and greatly to be feared, the Lord sitting upon his throne.

⁹ He created her, and saw her, and numbered her, and poured her out upon all his works.

¹⁰ She is with all flesh according to his gift, and he hath given her to them that love him.

¹¹ The fear of the Lord is honour, and glory, and gladness, and a crown of rejoicing.

¹² The fear of the Lord maketh a merry heart, and giveth joy, and gladness, and a long life.

¹³ Whoso feareth the Lord, it shall go well with him at the last, and he shall find favour in the day of his death.

¹⁴ To fear the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and it was created with the faithful in the womb.

¹⁵ She hath built an everlasting foundation with men, and she shall continue with their seed.

¹⁶ To fear the Lord is fulness of wisdom, and filleth men with her fruits.

¹⁷ She filleth all their house with things desirable, and the garners with her increase.

¹⁸ The fear of the Lord is a crown of wisdom, making peace and perfect health to flourish; both which are the gifts of God: and it        enlargeth their rejoicing that love him.

¹⁹ Wisdom raineth down skill and knowledge of understanding standing, and exalteth them to honour that hold her fast.

²⁰ The root of wisdom is to fear the Lord, and the branches thereof are long life.

²¹ The fear of the Lord driveth away sins: and where it is present, it turneth away wrath.

²² A furious man cannot be justified; for the sway of his fury shall be his destruction.

²³ A patient man will tear for a time, and afterward joy shall spring up unto him.

²⁴ He will hide his words for a time, and the lips of many shall declare his wisdom.

²⁵ The parables of knowledge are in the treasures of wisdom: but godliness is an abomination to a sinner.

²⁶ If thou desire wisdom, keep the commandments, and the Lord shall give her unto thee.

²⁷ For the fear of the Lord is wisdom and instruction: and faith and meekness are his delight.

²⁸ Distrust not the fear of the Lord when thou art poor: and come not unto him with a double heart.

²⁹ Be not an hypocrite in the sight of men, and take good heed what thou speakest.

³⁰ Exalt not thyself, lest thou fall, and bring dishonour upon thy soul, and so God discover thy secrets, and cast thee down in the midst of the congregation, because thou camest not in truth to the fear of the Lord, but thy heart is full of deceit.