Mothers Day,
2013.
I am a bit
reflective about Mom today, and a bit disappointed in myself for not being
honest about my relationship with her. I
allowed myself to be a bit angry with her over some of her humaness without
really looking or admitting who she really was in life. I was not very kind to my Mom during her last
years and I put my own feelings ahead of hers.
I loved her, but neglected to visit, leaving that responsibility to
others. I have multitudes of reasons
that I acted that way, one of which was seeing her so frail, but that’s not the
subject. I will try to tell you about
the hero I called Mom and I will attempt to put forth some of my memories. I can’t really start at the beginning because
I haven’t had a good memory for most of my life. That being the case, I will just start
writing about her.
Moms’ legal
name started out as Dorothy Ann Weiland, daughter of Henry Weiland and Louise
Dober Weiland. She was an only child
raised in a somewhat dysfunctional home.
Grandpa had an alcohol problem and an anger with a God that he felt
should not have allowed WWI. Grandma, on
the other hand, was very, very, Catholic.
I am quite sure that Mom was ready to escape that situation. When she and Dad were married, they lived in
the City of Portland, Oregon just a few blocks from where she lived as a
child. Dad worked in the shipyards as a
welder during WWII until his epilepsy brought an end to that. He then went to work as a baker, and finally
went to work for Mom’s Uncle Joe on his farm in Hillsboro, Oregon. I don’t really remember too much about Mom
during this time and most of what took place next for her are the bits and
pieces that have been acquired through hearsay and supposition.
I am quite
sure that when Mom agreed to move back to the Condon, Oregon area for Dads’ return
to life as a farmer/rancher. She had no
idea of what she was really in for. I’m
not sure that she signed up for the life she was confronted with but the way
she handled it I find remarkable. Mom is
memorable to me and I would guess my siblings for the things most moms are
thanked for on mother’s day. She cared
for us, fed us, worried over us and protected us the way moms do but what puts
her in the hero category for me is how I saw her confront things that I know
she feared. Mom stood up for herself in
later years but I can hardly imagine the young girl that married my Dad being
personally strong. Growing up I know
that Mom was somewhat insecure and doubtful about her abilities in a lot of
areas. What I saw was quite different….kind
of like a scaredy cat confronting the bulldog.
Here are some of the things that define her as a hero (one who acts to
resolve issues in spite of the normal fear responses of flight, fight or
freeze.):
One of the
first things that Mom would have to face was the fact that dad was affected by
epilepsy and all that entails. Not an
easy thing to deal with for those who have the condition or for those who have
to care them. I would think that Mom
would have to have loved Dad a lot to marry him knowing how epilepsy attacks
and the irregular spontaneity of those attacks.
It has always amazed me that I was six years old before learning about Dad’s
condition. One day, he was driving me to
meet the school bus and the pickup we were in went through the fence into a
pasture before coming to a stop. I
thought Dad was dead but I couldn’t figure out why he was still breathing so
heavy. It terrified me and I’m sure Mom’s
reaction to her first experience with it would have been similar. How she and Dad protected Sally and I from
ever seeing this happen and how she took care of Dad and us after one of the
attacks without showing any indications of the stress involved is
remarkable. I never heard Mom complain
about having to deal with Dad’s epilepsy.
She even handled the situation of my brother Fred’s epilepsy calmly and
with apparent caring for Fred.
When Dad
decided they should go back to Condon, I imagine that Mom experienced some
fears but she still agreed to go in spite of those fears. I can remember some instances of Mom acting
as if all things were normal but I know now how different the farm was from the
city she grew up with. While growing up
I never really thought of Mom being anything more than Mom. I loved Mom and I knew that she loved me and
my brother and sisters but this was something that every Mom did and was
expected to do. No big deal. Even in the last years I never took the time
to realize what she did that was so extraordinary. Like so many things and people in life we
take for granted Mom had fallen into that category. Somewhere, sometime in the last few years in
my retrospective quest, it occurred to me that Mom did a lot of things that
weren’t normal or to be expected of a young, shy city girl. She went from a city home life where electric
lights, telephones, indoor plumbing busses and trolley cars were common, to a
farm outside a small town in Eastern Oregon.
The farm had none of those things but still she made do. She overcame fear and self-doubt, fitting in
to the life and with the people in the small farming community.
Today, on
this Mothers Day, I admit being in awe of that lady. How did she manage to feed our harvest crews
the meals she prepared and delivered to the field? She always delivered food hot and always
tasty. Her cooking was consumed in total
by the men who admittedly hired on with Dad because of Mom’s notoriety as a
cook. I can still remember her driving
into the field, setting up a picnic table and laying out the spread. I miss that.
She would cook a full meal for lunch and another for dinner. We would have baked ham, chicken, roast beef
meals with all the side and trim dishes.
No one ever left hungry. There
were pies every day: apple, cherry,
lemon and peach at least two varieties at each of those meals. How did she accomplish all this on a wood
stove? It was amazing and almost miraculous!
Mom, today I pray
that you can hear me say
How much I appreciate
the things you did
How much I regret not
realizing the life you led
And I want to
apologize for not telling you
The things I should
have said.
To
me you are a Hero and I love you.
