another conversation with God

                     ‘Lord sometimes laying in bed at night so many thoughts and questions come into my mind.  Many time they are real puzzlers so I got this idea that if I prayed about them, categorized them and actually asked them it might help me get to sleep.  There are questions about my life the way I think, the way I do or don’t accomplish tasks.  Why I feel the way I do about some things and why ” I  DON’T FEEL WHEN I REALLY DO .  S0 much of this seems to make  no more sense.  It was a good thought but as far as helping me get a good night’s sleep it was a dismal failure.

              You have proven your existence to me in so many personal ways and disproven yourself in as many or more.  You did in omniscience know that we all have portions of St. Thomas in our makeup and without faith we would be left with nothing more than doubt, superstition or the emptiness of nothing.  Fortunately for me I am able to muddle along in my form of belief which I use as one of the blocks to build my life building on.  It’s quite a unique process actually using rock, ruble, glass, gems and coal from all the untold possibilities as to why we are here on this planet at this time and with all the other people, animals, Bird, fish and fauna that we are surrounded with. 

I often wonder when speaking to some of my friends why they think the things they think about You Lord.  Some think you are evil, discriminatory, and unable to be pleased kind of an off with their heads type of universal tyrannical ruler of the universe but with the experiences afforded to me I don’t see the angry tyrannical God others perceive.  There always seems to be a gift hidden in the experience.  The good thing about being given a longer life is that going through trials and learning experiences are more easily recognized for what they truly are.  You teaching , and Satan trying to interrupt the class.  You build and he tears down.  Do the paths you send us down all have the same outcomes and purpose.  Why does it seem that you put your weakest prodigals back into the fight with minds filled to the brim with the sickness of so many sins to remember, with no pride of past with which to battle the onslaught of spiritual failures and our inability to stand firmly as we crawl out of the slimy pits of sin we live or lived in.